Couscous with Asparagus and Artichoke

I've got some pretty weird news today. As some of you know, I've been going through a lot of big changes lately, what with the new job and Shannon moving out. During times of change I like to reflect; see where I'm at and where I want to go next. I was shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that I should probably not eat nearly as much meat as I do now. I know, I know, this sounds like something I would never say but it looks like the right play. A few months ago I stumbled upon this article about Mark Bittman's Vegan Before 6 book thing. I skimmed the article and filed it away, but something about it really stuck with me. It seemed simple and still allowed for me to eat all the weird and fun stuff I hold dear. This has made a noticeable change on my health and appearance. I lost about 15 pounds (granted I exercise more now) and occasionally don't eat meat for a week without trying. That's a bit of a round about way of saying I don't really eat meat or dairy unless I'm out anymore, so expect to see a lot more vegetarian/vegan recipes. Once a quarter or so I will make it a point to find some offal or other weird bit to cook up, no worries. I cannot emphasize enough how not serious I am taking this. I will still probably eat meat when I go to dinners, and I'm not going to get up in your shit if you server me a soup that was made with chicken broth. This has nothing to do with religion, or morals, or anything else besides I have a shot at living past thirty and, however unlikely that is, in the event that it does happen I would like to enjoy those years. Now that we got all that noise out of the way, lets cook yeah?

1 cup pearled couscous (sometimes called Israeli couscous)

1 1/2 cup water

2 artichokes (or 1/2 cup of marinated artichoke hearts, whatever)

1 bunch asparagus

1 cup grape tomatoes

1/2 cup olives

1/2 bunch parsley

salt 

pepper

The longest thing to cook is the artichokes, so if you want to substitute canned hearts, its a big time saver. If you are like me and enjoy artichokes steamed and then eaten with some melted butter or pesto, they make a great appetizer and you can throw the hearts into the main dish after your guests have picked them clean. Add an inch of water to the bottom of a large pot. Toss in a bay leaf and a garlic clove, add your steamer (or in my case some ramekins) then bring to a boil. Rinse the artichokes well while the water is working. Reduce heat until the water is simmering, then add the artichokes. They will take between 45-60 minutes, but besides checking the water and turning them every 15 minutes they really do take care of themselves. 

While those are covered and steaming, rinse and trim the asparagus, then arrange on a baking sheet. Salt them liberally and dizzle with oil. Pre-heat the oven to 350, then let the asparagus roast for 15-20 minutes, turning them every 5 minutes. I like mine to get nice and crunchy, but if you just want them to get bright green that is fine too. 

I'd recommend following the instructions on the back of the couscous, but if you are like me and prefer to keep it in a pretty jar, you probably threw the instructions away and are desperately trying to remember them. For one cup of couscous, bring one and a half cups of lightly salted water to a boil, then add the couscous. Reduce the heat to medium low and allow to cook for 8 minutes, stirring once. All the liquid should be absorbed by then, but be sure to fluff with a fork to let the trapped steam out. 

Next chop the asparagus into 1 1/2 inch segments, half the tomatoes, and loosely chop the olives, artichoke hearts, and parsley. Throw it all together, drizzle with some oil, and call it a night!

Bruschetta

I've recently decided that I am going to be posting here every Thursday, feel free to give me shit on your preferred social network when I inevitably mug it all up. What this mostly means from a practical standpoint is you will be  seeing more shitty, simple recipes and substantially more rambling, grammatically disgusting posts. As a personal favor to you, I'm going to make the instructions purple so they will stand out and leave the rambling stuff normal, so you can just skip it if you actually want to cook (you're welcome)  So, you know, look out for that.

1 pound good tomatoes
2 cloves garlic
1/2 bunch fresh basil
1 baguette
balsamic vinegar
salt
pepper
olive oil

Lets start with the tomatoes because those are really the easiest part to completely fuck up. The rest of this recipe is just chopping and waiting really.  My dear, close, and personal friend Caitlin gave ME (not Shannon) two of those hanging upside down tomato planters at the beginning of summer. As much as it thrills me to get completely unsolicited gifts from dear, close, personal friends, I really couldn't make heads or tails of the gift, but accepted graciously and watered diligently. After several months we harvested three emaciated, scarred tomatoes. They really were quiet ugly, especially after years of pretty much exclusively eating perfect deep red spheres. We didn't want to just toss them in a sauce, so we whipped up a quick batch of bruschetta. At the first bite Shannon nearly hit the floor. The flavor! By god we had forgotten what tomatoes are supposed to taste like! For all intents and purposes we had been eating red water balloons for months if not years and calling them tomatoes. This deeply disturbed me and I have since gone out of my way to but those stupid expensive local heirloom tomatoes at the co-op. I know, I know! Four dollars for a pound of tomatoes! It can't be that good! It is, you have to trust me, it really really is. Thanks again Caitlin.

To summarize all that, BUY GOOD TOMATOES THE DAY YOU ARE MAKING THIS. Not the Sunday before, or the night before, the day of. No exceptions.

Preheat oven to 350ish. Chop into 1/2 cubes, or smaller if you prefer.Place in a reasonably large vessel.

Next is the basil, but really the chopping can be done in any order. I like to chiffonade the basil, it results in long pretty strips. To chiffonade, stack the leaves on top of each other,

 then roll them up,

 and cut.

 Next mince the garlic and add that to the bowl. Top with a 1 to 4 ratio of balsamic vinegar to olive oil, you can fill in the measurements depending on if you like yours more or less saucy. Top with a two healthy pinches of salt and a few cracks of pepper. Refrigerate for about a half hour while you prep the bread.

Slice 8-12 pieces of bread, about 1/2 inch thick. Arrange on a baking sheet and coat with olive oil. If you have a fancy brush, congratulations you have a better stocked kitchen than me, I bet your mother is proud. If you don't have a fancy brush, I know that feel bro, just spread the oil with your finger and be sure to wash first. Toss the oiled bread in the oven for five minutes, then turn on the oven light and stare at it until its perfect. Could be six minutes, could be eight. I know its not less than five, but other than that its your damn business to make sure you don't mug it up. I don't have to eat your burnt ass bread so whatever, that's on you son.

 Let the bread cool slightly on the counter while you stir the bruschetta, then top each piece with a spoonful of the mixture.  Personally, I go heavier on the oil and vinegar, then I use a fork to put the bruschetta on the bread. Once I scoop all the tomatoes out, this leaves me with about a cup of really good salad dressing base.  This recipe and its amounts should get you through most of a loaf, depending on how you roll, and the bruschetta should be good until.... gosh I don't know, lets say until the loaf of bread goes bad. That sounds good