Larousse Gastronomique

I had to share this from the Beef section of Larousse. Look at those illustrations! Just brilliant.

Caramelized Onions

There are very few things that do not benefit from caramelized onions, almost all of which should not be eaten. The biggest roadblock to having delicious gooey onions is how long it takes to do it right. The best compromise I've found is to make a massive batch at once. It takes about the same amount of time to cook 1 onion as it does to cook 10. Because this is a pretty straight forward recipe, I thought I'd also share some of my favorite kitchen tools.

Onions

butter

salt

sugar

I have a terrible habit of excluding onions from my shopping list. I just always assume I have some. This works for me most of the time, but on the occasion I will go to the market and just stare at the bags of onions, wondering if I have one or six or no onions left at home. They are cheap, so I almost always grab a bag. Then I come home, realize i bought a bag last week, and try to figure out just what the hell to do with all these damn things. Caramelized onions, that's what we do. 

I've seen dozens of recipes floating around the Internet for quick, easy, tasty caramelized onions and that's fine but that's not what we are making here. When I want an ultra-traditional and completely impractical recipe, there is only one place I look to for guidance. Larousse Gastronomique. 

This is a direct quote from the 1961 English edition, which was a direct translation from the 1938 French edition, "Glazed onions. Heat some butter in a shallow pan and put in the onions. Season with salt and a pinch of caster (fine) sugar. Cook, covered, on a moderate heat, in such a way as to allow the onions to cook and acquire their colour at the same time". That's pretty vague, but we have enough information to work with and some interesting points. I've seen several sites say that using sugar is "cheating". Those sites are clearly wrong. 

Cut the ends from the onions, then split in half and peel. I probably lost a fair amount of people right there. Personally, I hated cutting onions before I moved in with Miss Bailey. Awful, nasty, things used to make me cry like crazy. Miss Bailey, God bless her, introduce me to the two greatest onion chopping tools.

If you wear those dorky goggles shamelessly from start to finish, I guarantee you wont end up a sobbing mess. The second tool is a bench scraper. Its fantastic for clearing off cutting boards or moving cut onions from the table to the pan. I used to use my knife to do this, but the bench scrape has a much bigger surface and I don't care if it gets dull. 

I find the easiest way to peel a large amount of onions is to cut the ends, then split the onion, then peel. If you peel before splitting its not a fun time. Once they are peeled, I cut them into semi-circles.

Next head a nob of butter over medium heat and add the onions. Season with salt and sugar (two pinches of salt, one of sugar) and wait.

This is the onions after an hour on the stove covered, stirring every ten minutes.

They certainly are broken down, but they don't have that delicious brown color that we are shooting for. At this point I removed the cover, cooked for ten additional minutes, and got this.

Which is pretty much exactly what we were shooting for. You could probably uncover somewhere at the 30 minute mark and have similar results. These are great in, on, and around pretty much all food. Go crazy man, seriously.

Tartiflette au Reblochon (Taleggio)

Sorry this is coming out late, I was in the Desert at a Wedding with my Friends. 

I have recently been introduced to a large, unsavory population of western Europeans living in the very heart of Davis. These people have an appetite for drinking, eating, and dancing that I have yet to see matched in any of the natives. At parties with them I have noticed that I have a habit of talking about food frequently. The beautiful thing about food is that no matter how little you have in a common with a person, odds are they like food to some degree. Food is a window into their childhood, their hometown, their very culture that would be difficult to extract from normal conversation. Either that, or I'm slowly becoming the fat kid at the party who only wants to talk about food, but frankly I'm not ready to confront that fact just yet so lets pretend that's not the case, yes?

At one of the more intimate parties (read: less than 200 people in the penthouse apartment that every French person seems to be entitled to. Seriously though, where the fuck did all these baller apartments come from and why do they only rent to brilliant french people? Very frustrating) I asked a fellow from La Ferte Sous Jouarre what his favorite meal was. He did not hesitate. Tartiflette au Reblochon.
Reblochon is one of the many fine cheeses produced locally in the Haute-Savoie region. It is a very soft cheese and I'm told its fantastic. After going to two very reputable cheese stores with no luck, the cheese monger at the Co-Op did some research for me. Turns out, Reblochon has been illegal to import since 2004. This shattered me pretty hard, because it was made very very clear to me that all things could be substituted in the recipe, save the Reblochon. If it doesn't have Reblochon, its just an ugly potatoes au gratin. Alas, the recipe was too good not to attempt, and Taleggio, I was told by the kindly cheese monger to stop my violent sobbing, is a fine cheese in its own right and could certainly hold this dish together.

1 3/4 pounds of potatoes (I used Yukon Gold, but use whatever you would normally use in au gratin)
4 slices of thick cut bacon
2 tablespoons butter
1 yellow onion
1/4 cup white wine
1/4 cup heavy cream
8 ounces Taleggio cheese
Salt and pepper


Start by adding the potatoes to a pot of boiling salted water. Let them boil for about 15 minutes, then remove them from the pot and let them sit under cold running water for 30 seconds. While the water is still running, peal the skins off with your hands, it should rub right off. If its too hot, let them sit under the water longer you dummy. For your health! One the potatoes are peeled, let them cool further.

Dice the bacon into batonnets (quarter inch little sticks, I know its pretentious to call them that but its important that you learn these terms because Larousse Gastronomique uses them and  you don't want to embarrass yourself in front of that book, believe, believe) and cook them until crispy over medium high heat. Remove the crispy bacon from the pan. Pour off some of the bacon fat, leaving a tablespoon in the pan.

Dice and add the onion, cook until translucent then add the wine. Let that cook down on medium low heat while you chop the potatoes into 1/3 inch thick rounds. I didn't use a  big enough pan, so I had to move to a large pot at this point, but if you have a massive pan feel free to use one dish for this. Add the potatoes, bacon, and cream to the onions. Salt pretty heavily (this dish is about the furthest thing from healthy you can make, so no point in cutting corners on the salt) then let simmer for about two minutes, just to let everything come together.

coat a baking dish with the butter, then pour the potato mixture in. Traditionally you top this with a half a wheel of Reblochon, but my Taleggio was a bit ripe, so i removed the soft cheese from the rind and then added it on top.

Bake at 400 degrees until the cheese is bubbly and delicious looking, about 15 minutes for me but you know how I feel about baking. Set a timer for 12 minutes and then watch it. This is what oven lights are for and why people don't use them more is beyond me. I served this with a very large salad and a healthy amount of exercise the day of and after. This dish is fantastic but it will also kill you if you eat it more than once a year. You've been warned.

 

Long Beans

We were at the Davis farmers market this weekend and found this brilliant bundle of green tendrils, straight out of a child's nightmare. I absolutely had to cook it. I did some research when we got home and it looks like these are fairly common in Chinese cooking. They are similar in taste to green beans, but have more crisp texture. I decided to just kinda wing it, combine all the flavors I enjoy in Chinese cooking and go from there.

1 bunch long beans

1 inch minced ginger

3 minced garlic cloves

3-4 small red chili peppers (sub 1 tablespoonful crushed red peppers if need be)

olive oil

sesame seed oil

soy sauce

salt 

pepper

I started by washing and drying the beans, then cutting the tops and bottoms off, just about an inch. Next I cut them into 4-6 inch long segements to make for easier cooking and eating, but if you are more adventurous they can be cooked whole pretty easily. I also chopped and minced the garlic, ginger, and peppers.

Next heat a wok over medium high heat and add a tablespoon of oil. Once the oil is heated, add the beans and cook for 4 minutes, stirring frequently. Once the beans turn brighter green and start looking more cooked, add the ginger, garlic, and pepper.

 Cook and stir constantly for 2 minutes, then remove the beans to a plate. You should have something like the photo below left in the pan. 

Reduce heat to medium low, and add a half teaspoon of sesame seed oil and two tablespoons of soy sauce. Let cook for 40 seconds or so, just until everything smells amazing, then pour the sauce over the beans.

Bruschetta

I've recently decided that I am going to be posting here every Thursday, feel free to give me shit on your preferred social network when I inevitably mug it all up. What this mostly means from a practical standpoint is you will be  seeing more shitty, simple recipes and substantially more rambling, grammatically disgusting posts. As a personal favor to you, I'm going to make the instructions purple so they will stand out and leave the rambling stuff normal, so you can just skip it if you actually want to cook (you're welcome)  So, you know, look out for that.

1 pound good tomatoes
2 cloves garlic
1/2 bunch fresh basil
1 baguette
balsamic vinegar
salt
pepper
olive oil

Lets start with the tomatoes because those are really the easiest part to completely fuck up. The rest of this recipe is just chopping and waiting really.  My dear, close, and personal friend Caitlin gave ME (not Shannon) two of those hanging upside down tomato planters at the beginning of summer. As much as it thrills me to get completely unsolicited gifts from dear, close, personal friends, I really couldn't make heads or tails of the gift, but accepted graciously and watered diligently. After several months we harvested three emaciated, scarred tomatoes. They really were quiet ugly, especially after years of pretty much exclusively eating perfect deep red spheres. We didn't want to just toss them in a sauce, so we whipped up a quick batch of bruschetta. At the first bite Shannon nearly hit the floor. The flavor! By god we had forgotten what tomatoes are supposed to taste like! For all intents and purposes we had been eating red water balloons for months if not years and calling them tomatoes. This deeply disturbed me and I have since gone out of my way to but those stupid expensive local heirloom tomatoes at the co-op. I know, I know! Four dollars for a pound of tomatoes! It can't be that good! It is, you have to trust me, it really really is. Thanks again Caitlin.

To summarize all that, BUY GOOD TOMATOES THE DAY YOU ARE MAKING THIS. Not the Sunday before, or the night before, the day of. No exceptions.

Preheat oven to 350ish. Chop into 1/2 cubes, or smaller if you prefer.Place in a reasonably large vessel.

Next is the basil, but really the chopping can be done in any order. I like to chiffonade the basil, it results in long pretty strips. To chiffonade, stack the leaves on top of each other,

 then roll them up,

 and cut.

 Next mince the garlic and add that to the bowl. Top with a 1 to 4 ratio of balsamic vinegar to olive oil, you can fill in the measurements depending on if you like yours more or less saucy. Top with a two healthy pinches of salt and a few cracks of pepper. Refrigerate for about a half hour while you prep the bread.

Slice 8-12 pieces of bread, about 1/2 inch thick. Arrange on a baking sheet and coat with olive oil. If you have a fancy brush, congratulations you have a better stocked kitchen than me, I bet your mother is proud. If you don't have a fancy brush, I know that feel bro, just spread the oil with your finger and be sure to wash first. Toss the oiled bread in the oven for five minutes, then turn on the oven light and stare at it until its perfect. Could be six minutes, could be eight. I know its not less than five, but other than that its your damn business to make sure you don't mug it up. I don't have to eat your burnt ass bread so whatever, that's on you son.

 Let the bread cool slightly on the counter while you stir the bruschetta, then top each piece with a spoonful of the mixture.  Personally, I go heavier on the oil and vinegar, then I use a fork to put the bruschetta on the bread. Once I scoop all the tomatoes out, this leaves me with about a cup of really good salad dressing base.  This recipe and its amounts should get you through most of a loaf, depending on how you roll, and the bruschetta should be good until.... gosh I don't know, lets say until the loaf of bread goes bad. That sounds good